Taking the Organizing Challenge

It was, mmmmm, three months ago my mom taught me to crochet.  Since then she has given me so much of her left over yarn, that I have had to really start getting organized.

It was about two months ago that a friend of mine hired me to sell her stuff on ebay.  Now it's REALLY time to get organized.  My apartment is big, but it's not that big.

I knew I needed to get the yarn out of reach from the cats, but I just didn't have the closet space after all the ebay stuff made it into my house.  So I took two shelves on my bookcase, used some storage bins I bought at Walmart and got organized.  

I also bought a large basket at the craft store to put MORE yarn in.  It sits next to the couch.  My thought was I could swap out the yarn to use it as decor for various seasons.  Add a little festivities to this place.

But it isn't all just about the "work" stuff getting organized. (And by work stuff, I mean, deepestofgrace.etsy.com and look for leechgirl3 on ebay.)

Anyhow, I decided to tackle my bedroom too.  I got rid of some stuff and I went 

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Do you know how much space is unused in your closet?!  One of the biggest things I saw was to add more shelving, but that wasn't possible for me.  So I got two hanging shoe racks, one hanging cubby, and three skirt/pant hangers that hold six pairs of pants/skirts at a time.  I also stacked up as high as I could on the shelf.  Look!  I have SOOOO much room in there now!

I think I could thrive on this, this organization thing.

and we pass it on

Abuse, betrayal, criticism, rejection.

How is it the things done to us that were hurtful and made us feel small, we so easily pass on to others.  If we were abused, we abuse others.  If we were betrayed, we betray others.  If we were consistently criticized, we criticize others.  If we were rejected, we reject others. The things that we hate the most, we do to others.


Is it because it's what we know?  Is it the only way we know how to handle life? We know the hurt and sadness it has brought to ourselves, and yet we bestow that on others knowing they will feel the same hurt we did.

After being criticized all the time as a child, why would a person not have a spirit of criticism?  After being betrayed by family or friends or lovers multiple times, how could a person know how to earn trust from someone?

What about passing on things like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self control?  These fruits of the Spirit are the most important values we can pass on to others!  When I love like Jesus loves, there is no abuse, no betrayal, no criticism, no rejection.  When I love like Jesus loves, there is joy and hope and LIFE!


Today I choose to love like Jesus and allow Him to take all the hurt, all the sadness.  I choose to allow Him to fill the longing and aching in my heart.  I choose to pass on the fruits of the Spirit and not the things that hurt others.

Today I choose to LIVE like Jesus and pass on the things He brought to me.

The 5th Year

New Year's Eve 2001

Five years ago today was the last time I talked to my best friend. I rushed off the phone because I had just gotten to a friend's house to spend the night and had spent all evening helping at our church's Valentine Banquet.  I told him I'd talk to him sometime this week which was nothing out of the ordinary.  We usually chatted 2-3 times a week, unless he was out on the sub.  I told him I couldn't wait til he was home on leave in June.  It had been almost a year since I had seen him.  He said he wasn't sure if it would be June or July.  He seemed himself;  frustrated with work, but otherwise fine.

Glenn, Seth, Tim

This 5th anniversary has been more difficult than the last few.  For weeks now, my emotions have been on edge and running high, my thoughts are constantly on him.  Memories creep into my mind at unexpected times and catch me off guard.  

Most of the time we spent together was at youth group and church events, and even though he was four years older than me, he would come back from college or on leave and would visit everyone.  He'd always make special time for me.  He'd go to concerts he didn't care about because it meant spending time with me.  We both had a love affair with fast cars; we both had Mustangs.  His was a green 'Stang.  Her name was Hazel.  

Gary, Andrew, Seth

He would let me talk to him whenever I needed to, even if it meant waking him up from much needed sleep.  Almost everyone loved him.  He had very few enemies.  His magnetic smile and charming personality helped him make friends easily.

I thought the world of him.

Next time you're in the presence of someone you care about, don't rush it.  Don't hurry to the next thing on your schedule.  You very well could be making your last memory with them.

The only thing I regret in my relationship with him was that I didn't sit a little bit longer on the phone with him that night.

Because tomorrow he was gone.

Seth Jacob Myers

    November 1, 1981~February 20, 2006

A Best Friend

What is a best friend?  I don't think I've really understood what a best friend means until this last year.  I mean, I've had one, and she is great, spectacular and always has been.  I've always known that.

However, I realized that a best friend does not happen over night or in a matter of weeks or months.  A best friend proves herself over years.  She sees you at your worst--snotty, crying, blotchy eyes, sobbing; or selfish, whiny, complaining.  She loves you anyway.  She knows that someday the roles will be reversed.  She sees you at your best and celebrates when something exciting and major is happening.  She keeps you accountable even when you don't want her to.  She listens to you, lets you vent, then she tells you to buck up and stop wallowing in self-pity.

When the two of you go to concerts, sometimes you don't get backstage passes and laugh at each other for even expecting them. 

When you're going through a break-up, she brings home a stuffed animal for you and writes you note to make you feel better about yourself.

When you need someone to study with, she's right there to study with you because she's taking the same Cultural Development class.

When you're having a bad day because you're thinking about your friend who passed away, she's there to hug you and let you cry without saying anything.

When the two of you show up to work or class wearing almost the same outfit and people ask if you planned it, you swear that you didn't.

When the two of you go places together, you always have an adventure.  Even if it's in the dead of winter at Niagara Falls.

When you're in a job that you just can't stand, she keeps you in the loop about a position at her workplace because she just can't wait to work at the same place.

 

When you've moved across the country because you know it's exactly where God wants you, she calls you to tell you that she really wishes you were still there.  She checks up on you each week.

When she's upset, you're the first person she wants to talk to.

Sometimes you think alike, sometimes you don't.  She keeps you accountable and you do the same for her.

Hannah, you are my best friend.  I never understood what having a kindred spirit was until I spent time with you.  I know our friendship will always remain strong, no matter where God takes us.  Love you, my dear!

Man Up!

I'm taking a short break from posting on Jason Illian's book.

This post is dedicated to a very special girl.  You know who you are.

So my friend and I were talking the other day and you know what guys?  We are so sick and tired of passive men.  Men who don't know what they want.  Men who don't know what they want and lead us along.

What are you afraid of?

Here's the thing.  At least for my friend and me, we're not looking to get married tomorrow.  Just because you make a commitment to date us doesn't mean you're making a lifelong commitment.  I know a lot of girls see it that way, but it's not the way it should be.  Making a commitment to date someone shouldn't be so complicated.  All it is saying is that "I'm getting to know you and only you."  In a romantic sort of way of course.  It should be serious, not just messing around, but it doesn't mean marriage.  It just means getting to know each other to see if marriage is a possibility between the two of you.

Definitely not saying it's all the guys' fault, but the more and more I talk to girls, the more I hear the frustration in their voices and in their hearts.  It's discouraging for women to be told how beautiful we are and how we have all these great godly characteristics and qualities and how much guys likes us, but they're just not sure if they wants to date yet.  Women are fragile.  We're strong, but the desire of most women is to be loved and cherished.  When you mess with our hearts and string us along, that zaps us of our energy and our faith in men.  Men who are supposed to be the leaders and protectors, but are not doing their jobs.

And no more of this in-between, "pre-dating" crap!  We're friends or we're dating!  Or we're nothing!  I don't usually take dating advice from John Mayer but here goes:

Friends, lovers or nothing

There can only be one

Friends, lovers or nothing

There'll never be an in-between, so give it up.

Finally, the dude's got something right!  I don't know about guys, but it's very hard for a woman to guard her heart during that in-between stage.  She feels like she's committed even though she's not.  Usually what happens is that she builds these rock hard walls that are impenetrable and you never get to see who she really is, or she has no defenses whatsoever and lays everything out on the table before she should.  Neither is healthy for anyone involved.

So guys, be men.  Be REAL men.  If you don't know what you want, or if you're ready to date (either a specific girl or in general), don't let her think you are.  Don't string her along.  On the other hand, if you want to get to know her, then get to know her.  You can do that without leading her on.  Talk to her, have meaningful conversations.  But don't hold her hand, don't kiss her forehead.  Don't do any of that until you're ready to say, "This girl is worth getting to know on a deeper level, and she's the only one I want to get to know right now."  Then, be bold about it.  Please, be BOLD.  Don't leave her guessing.

Swimming in Cement Shoes (Chapter 3)

...many of us are drowning in our dating lives.  Instead of cautiously wading out into the water, we have plunged right into the deep end of the dating pool and are experiencing unpredictable currents.  What we thought was going to be a safe and leisurely swim has become a life-or-death situation.

If we are honest with ourselves, most of us need little orange floaties on our arms when it comes to romance...We have trouble navigating the rough waters of life on our own much less diving in after someone else who is drowning.

Second only to accepting Christ as your Savior and Lord, choosing the right person to marry is critically important.  If you choose unwisely, the rest of your life will be like swimming with cement shoes--you'll fight and struggle and go down slowly, or you'll accept the unbearable dead weight of your partner and sink quickly.  When it comes to love and marriage, God desires nothing more than for each one of us to be equally yoked, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually and physically.  And in His infinite wisdom, He has shown us how to choose a soul mate by looking for Godly Characteristics, Personal Qualities, and the infamous, indescribable X-Factor.

Great Things versus God Things (Godly Characteristics)

I had been focusing on things of earthly value and had ignored the things of eternal value.  I had been enamored with the beauty and decoration of the house, and I had paid no attention to the foundation whatsoever.  I was trying to build a marriage and a life on a shaky foundation.

...I was so in love with the idea of being in love that I ignored all the warning signs.  It wasn't until the current dragged me under that I realized I would never be able to breathe in the relationship.

Most of us have dated or are dating the wrong person.  For many believers, the only criterion for dating is whether or not he is a Christian... We don't even care if he is actually walking with the Savior; we just want him to walk into church.  That will give us enough justification for spending Friday nights making out with him.

Our choices have absolutely nothing to do with character.  They have everything to do with appearance.

If you want to have a successful relationship, it all starts with looking for Godly Characteristics... these are simply the fruit of the Spirit recorded in the book of Galatians... love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  If the person you are dating doesn't exhibit all of them, not just one or two--I mean, who wants a man who is good but has no self-control?!--eject immediately!

Please don't expect the fruit to be fully developed in anybody's life...But these characteristics do need to be present in the life of a person with whom you are thinking of sharing your heart.

A good way to test whether the person you are dating is a possible mate is to put his or her name in front of each aspect of the fruit of the Spirit.  For example, Rob is loving, Rob is joyful, Rob is peaceful, Rob is patient, etc.  Unless there is an indication that there is fruit growing in every category, he is not marriage material.  Be honest with yourself.

Every person walking the face of this planet, whether they admit it or not, was designed specifically to reflect all of God's characteristics.  If they don't, it is because they choose not to, and you deserve someone better than that.

Most important, make sure that you exhibit the complete fruit of the Spirit.  If you don't, then the problem is not with the people you date, it is with you.

Perfect Imperfections (Personal Qualities)

While it is important to date someone who has unique qualities that you are attracted to, human qualities should never, ever supersede Godly Characteristics.

If you have been to a relationship conference or read any book on romance, you have been encouraged to write down all the Personal Qualities you want in a significant other.

If you have one of these Must-Have lists next to your bed or stuffed away in your Bible, I want you to take it out, walk it to the bathroom, and flush it.  Or burn it.  Or tear it into little pieces and use it as confetti.  You don't need it anymore...The list may reflect what you want, but there is a good chance that it has very little to do with what you actually need.

[God] sees what we want, but then He goes one step further to provide what we need... When we list the qualities we want in a mate, we are telling God that we know what is best for us.

Whether it is on paper or just in your head, destroy the list as quickly as possible.  The good stuff never makes the list anyway.  I like to refer to the good stuff as perfect imperfections.

Farting in your sleep.  Sneezing like a hyena.  Snorting when you laugh.  Crying at coffee commercials.  Never eating the ends of chicken tenders.  Constantly rearranging the pantry.  These are the things that make memories.  They are perfect imperfections, and you would never think about including them on a Must-Have list.  But they are the good stuff.

Relationships are often defined not by what you put into them, but by what you keep out of them.  While the qualities you need in a partner might not be so clear to you, God makes it exceptionally clear what you don't need.... A Must-Not-Have list, which should be aligned with God's principles, not your own personal preferences, will remind you that no number of great personal virtues can outweigh a few life-threatening vices.

If you overlook the wrong personal traits in your partner, you'll be wearing the most fashionable cement Nikes at the bottom of the pool.

Peanut-Butter-and-Jelly Relationships (The X-Factor)

Godly relationships are like peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches.  Each person complements the other.

When I talk about being "equally yoked" in a romantic relationship, I'm referring to the ability to complement one another and to lift one another up.

I often hear Christians say that they can't find someone who is equally yoked, suggesting that others aren't as spiritually mature or as enlightened as they are.  This attitude is arrogant and shows that the speaker has all the faith and intelligence of Spam... it is not about who is greater or lesser, but about whether or not the two of you complement one another.  Can you and your partner believe more, accomplish more, encourage more, and love more together than you can separately?

God intended for us to be equally yoked spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, and physically.  While order is important, it is just as important that you are compatible in all four categories.

The intersection of these four attributes is hard to measure, and most of the time we simply refer to it as "chemistry" or the mysterious X-Factor.

When the infamous X-Factor is present, there will be an undeniable chemistry, and you will feel your spirit move inside of you.

The X-Factor is the place where the spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and physical attributes intersect.  X is the Greek letter for Chi, which properly translated means "Christ."  In essence, Christ is the meeting point where the four components come together.  Romantic chemistry is ultimately determined by Christ.  His ways are mysterious and unexplainable, and you can't have real chemistry with a person unless all the essential elements end at the Savior.  Love isn't real love unless it comes from the source--God.

CONCLUSION

If you've experienced the longest losing streak since Wile E. Coyote's, maybe it is because your past relationships haven't been built upon a shared set of Godly Characteristics... Once an unshakable foundation is poured, you can decide which Personal Qualities you desire in a possible spouse... Whatever you decide it is always wise to leave room for the unexpected--the good stuff.  Because in reality, God knows our hearts better than we do and wants to bless us with a romance full of life-long memories.

A well-trained sea monkey could be taught to follow God's principles.  But if you choose to ignore them, then you'd better start searching for a lengthy snorkel and a comfortable swimsuit on eBay.  Because there is a good chance that the expectations and demands of the next person you date will drag you under faster than a pair of Titantic-labeled stilettos.

Killing Jerry (Maguire, That Is)- Chapter 2

Before Dorothy can utter a word, Jerry begins to pour out his heart..."You complete me."

...his identity as a human being is attached to their relationship.

We have come to believe that it takes the love of another human being to fulfill us, to make us complete...Our hearts long for something permanent, but since we are surrounded with temporary relationships, we have become frustrated and desperate.

Some of us feel a deep, internal ache when we are alone on Friday nights.  Others are distracted by a gentle whisper during the work week... Even in a crowded room we often feel alone.

Blaise Pascal: "There is a God-shaped void in the heart of man which can not be filled by anything except God."

Anything less than the patient, kind, unselfish, humble, forgiving, unconditional love of God will not suffice.

The love-shaped void in your life is meant to be filled with God.  It is upon God's perfect love that romantic love is built.

We are not comfortable in our own skin.  If we were, we wouldn't be so eager to find our soul mates.

Romantic relationships don't complete you--they reveal you.  Like a mirror of your soul, your partner will reflect all the good and bad traits you already possess.

Being single is not a disease and marriage certainly isn't the cure...Marriage will simply magnify the problems that already exist.

Staying Put

If we would just be still, love would find us.  Love always finds us.  That is the very essence of true, unconditional love.

"Staying put"... is about listening to the echo of emptiness within, learning the essence of true, sacrificial, 'til-death-do-us-part love, and applying it to our everyday relationships.

The most frustrating thing about being lost is that being found is not in your control...When you are lost, you don't get to determine how long you have to remain still before love comes for you.

The challenge is that being still is about being actively still, not passively moving...Many of us are just passively moving, driving through life at 100 mph with our head out the window...Instead of stopping and trying to make sense of it all, we change directions, change partners, change seats, and change cars.  If we would just change our focus, God would change our circumstances.

God is in the search-and-rescue business.  When you stay put, He will search your soul and rescue your heart.

Is Love a Choice?

Is love a magical moment, completely out of our control, or is love a conscious choice, something within our grasp?

Real, unconditional, red-hot, romantic, godly love is always a choice.  And you have to choose it every day.  When you talk to a couple who has been married for twenty-five years and they are still lovey-dovey with one another, it is because they have chosen to be intimately involved in all aspects of one another's life.

Love is not a feeling--it is a commitment.  Love is not an emotion--it is a choice.  Love is not a frilly sentiment or a flippant attitude.  It is the unselfish sacrifice of desire, the triumphant procession of hope, and the eternal stronghold of faith...

Guard Your Heart

...Is your heart more like the Palace or the brothel?


Many of us don't shield our hearts because, deep down, we don't believe there is anything worth protecting...we conclude that we have stepped over the lien and out-sinned God's grace.  But it is a fallacy to believe that you are unworthy of a fulfilling relationship.  You are a child of God, and your past, no matter how horrific, is not being held against you.

At the other extreme...Instead of carefully defending our hearts, we have isolated them... Instead of isolating our hearts behind impregnable barriers that admit absolutely no one, we should protect our hearts behind reasonable defenses.

C.S. Lewis: "[But] to love at all is to be vulnerable.  Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken.  If you want to be sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no on--not even to a [pet].  Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements.  Lock it up safely in the casket or the coffin of your selfishness.  But, in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change.  It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, unredeemable."


...you must learn to build defenses, not walls, around your heart..."stay put" until you figure out what a godly man should really look like...surround yourself with real friends who help you date.

We must learn to be thoughtfully vulnerable, not recklessly available in our dating relationships.

Your heart is something of great value.  Guard it.

CONCLUSION

A romantic relationship--no matter how passionate, spontaneous, or exciting--can never complete you.  Only God can do that.  And whether or not you develop a relationship with Christ is entirely up to you.