Man Up!

I'm taking a short break from posting on Jason Illian's book.

This post is dedicated to a very special girl.  You know who you are.

So my friend and I were talking the other day and you know what guys?  We are so sick and tired of passive men.  Men who don't know what they want.  Men who don't know what they want and lead us along.

What are you afraid of?

Here's the thing.  At least for my friend and me, we're not looking to get married tomorrow.  Just because you make a commitment to date us doesn't mean you're making a lifelong commitment.  I know a lot of girls see it that way, but it's not the way it should be.  Making a commitment to date someone shouldn't be so complicated.  All it is saying is that "I'm getting to know you and only you."  In a romantic sort of way of course.  It should be serious, not just messing around, but it doesn't mean marriage.  It just means getting to know each other to see if marriage is a possibility between the two of you.

Definitely not saying it's all the guys' fault, but the more and more I talk to girls, the more I hear the frustration in their voices and in their hearts.  It's discouraging for women to be told how beautiful we are and how we have all these great godly characteristics and qualities and how much guys likes us, but they're just not sure if they wants to date yet.  Women are fragile.  We're strong, but the desire of most women is to be loved and cherished.  When you mess with our hearts and string us along, that zaps us of our energy and our faith in men.  Men who are supposed to be the leaders and protectors, but are not doing their jobs.

And no more of this in-between, "pre-dating" crap!  We're friends or we're dating!  Or we're nothing!  I don't usually take dating advice from John Mayer but here goes:

Friends, lovers or nothing

There can only be one

Friends, lovers or nothing

There'll never be an in-between, so give it up.

Finally, the dude's got something right!  I don't know about guys, but it's very hard for a woman to guard her heart during that in-between stage.  She feels like she's committed even though she's not.  Usually what happens is that she builds these rock hard walls that are impenetrable and you never get to see who she really is, or she has no defenses whatsoever and lays everything out on the table before she should.  Neither is healthy for anyone involved.

So guys, be men.  Be REAL men.  If you don't know what you want, or if you're ready to date (either a specific girl or in general), don't let her think you are.  Don't string her along.  On the other hand, if you want to get to know her, then get to know her.  You can do that without leading her on.  Talk to her, have meaningful conversations.  But don't hold her hand, don't kiss her forehead.  Don't do any of that until you're ready to say, "This girl is worth getting to know on a deeper level, and she's the only one I want to get to know right now."  Then, be bold about it.  Please, be BOLD.  Don't leave her guessing.