Killing Jerry (Maguire, That Is)- Chapter 2

Before Dorothy can utter a word, Jerry begins to pour out his heart..."You complete me."

...his identity as a human being is attached to their relationship.

We have come to believe that it takes the love of another human being to fulfill us, to make us complete...Our hearts long for something permanent, but since we are surrounded with temporary relationships, we have become frustrated and desperate.

Some of us feel a deep, internal ache when we are alone on Friday nights.  Others are distracted by a gentle whisper during the work week... Even in a crowded room we often feel alone.

Blaise Pascal: "There is a God-shaped void in the heart of man which can not be filled by anything except God."

Anything less than the patient, kind, unselfish, humble, forgiving, unconditional love of God will not suffice.

The love-shaped void in your life is meant to be filled with God.  It is upon God's perfect love that romantic love is built.

We are not comfortable in our own skin.  If we were, we wouldn't be so eager to find our soul mates.

Romantic relationships don't complete you--they reveal you.  Like a mirror of your soul, your partner will reflect all the good and bad traits you already possess.

Being single is not a disease and marriage certainly isn't the cure...Marriage will simply magnify the problems that already exist.

Staying Put

If we would just be still, love would find us.  Love always finds us.  That is the very essence of true, unconditional love.

"Staying put"... is about listening to the echo of emptiness within, learning the essence of true, sacrificial, 'til-death-do-us-part love, and applying it to our everyday relationships.

The most frustrating thing about being lost is that being found is not in your control...When you are lost, you don't get to determine how long you have to remain still before love comes for you.

The challenge is that being still is about being actively still, not passively moving...Many of us are just passively moving, driving through life at 100 mph with our head out the window...Instead of stopping and trying to make sense of it all, we change directions, change partners, change seats, and change cars.  If we would just change our focus, God would change our circumstances.

God is in the search-and-rescue business.  When you stay put, He will search your soul and rescue your heart.

Is Love a Choice?

Is love a magical moment, completely out of our control, or is love a conscious choice, something within our grasp?

Real, unconditional, red-hot, romantic, godly love is always a choice.  And you have to choose it every day.  When you talk to a couple who has been married for twenty-five years and they are still lovey-dovey with one another, it is because they have chosen to be intimately involved in all aspects of one another's life.

Love is not a feeling--it is a commitment.  Love is not an emotion--it is a choice.  Love is not a frilly sentiment or a flippant attitude.  It is the unselfish sacrifice of desire, the triumphant procession of hope, and the eternal stronghold of faith...

Guard Your Heart

...Is your heart more like the Palace or the brothel?


Many of us don't shield our hearts because, deep down, we don't believe there is anything worth protecting...we conclude that we have stepped over the lien and out-sinned God's grace.  But it is a fallacy to believe that you are unworthy of a fulfilling relationship.  You are a child of God, and your past, no matter how horrific, is not being held against you.

At the other extreme...Instead of carefully defending our hearts, we have isolated them... Instead of isolating our hearts behind impregnable barriers that admit absolutely no one, we should protect our hearts behind reasonable defenses.

C.S. Lewis: "[But] to love at all is to be vulnerable.  Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken.  If you want to be sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no on--not even to a [pet].  Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements.  Lock it up safely in the casket or the coffin of your selfishness.  But, in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change.  It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, unredeemable."


...you must learn to build defenses, not walls, around your heart..."stay put" until you figure out what a godly man should really look like...surround yourself with real friends who help you date.

We must learn to be thoughtfully vulnerable, not recklessly available in our dating relationships.

Your heart is something of great value.  Guard it.

CONCLUSION

A romantic relationship--no matter how passionate, spontaneous, or exciting--can never complete you.  Only God can do that.  And whether or not you develop a relationship with Christ is entirely up to you.